Soap is not a condiment
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
