She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Say something about gay babies.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
