blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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