Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize
