worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
