Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
