My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
