Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
