..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
