You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
