Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
