Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
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