i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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