hotel room ftw
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Randomize
