I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
