I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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