So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
