I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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