3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
