I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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