That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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