The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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