My hair reeks of homosexuality.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
