Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
