You're my little dorito
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
