My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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