the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
