I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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