Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I wish you could order shots online.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
