If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
