I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
