I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
