Need sex. Gaining weight.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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