the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
