my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Randomize
