why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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