I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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