dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Randomize
