Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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