I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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