his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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