My hand turned me down
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Come see our sink grown plant.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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