thus making me awesome and them whores
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Randomize
