I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Randomize
