i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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