All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
