You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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