is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
