My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
