She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
He passed out mid-signature
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
