Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
If I die, sorry about rent.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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