I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
