a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
