remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Randomize
