I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
