so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
