I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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