she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
