No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Hippo gnu deer
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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