I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
