my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
