in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
