Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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