piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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