i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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