I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
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today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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