He is an equal opportunity slut.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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