What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
