don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize
