i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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